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Week 9: Managing Conflict

Together Forever
I would have never guessed that most marriage problems are perpetual. I was expecting to hear that all marriage issues were solvable. I thought that once a problem had been solved then we would have the skills to avoid that problem all together in the future. After studying why most marriage issues are perpetual, I now understand why they are reoccurring and the goal is to have the skills to solve them and worth through them every single time. This is something that takes time and practice, and it is something I deeply want with my husband. I feel that we are mostly able to peacefully solve our marital issues, but I won't want to get too comfortable with that. I want to do my best to be prepared for anything and to always be willing to solve any problem that might come our way. 
I've been thinking a lot about how I attempt to repair problems or arguments with others. It's different with my husband than with my friends because I'm very comfortable with my husband and I'm able to show my emotions and be completely forthcoming. I feel that I'm not particularly good at my repair attempts when it comes to my husband because of the comfort level I'm at with him. I'm comfortable being mad and stubborn. This is something I want to work on. However, I do feel that I can be successful with my repair attempts with the other relationships in my life with my friends and family. I begin with admitting what I had done wrong and offering an apology. I then try to offer an understanding of their feelings and perspective. Then I ask of offer ideas on what can be done to move past the issue. This has normally worked very well for me. I can't think of anyone in my life that I currently have a grievance with. 
I would also like to address the importance of forgiveness in a marriage. Being a forgiving person has been very hard for me in the past. I was always someone that was prideful, stubborn, and held grudges. Being married and having my relationship with my husband tested was very humbling for me and forced me to make changes. Overall, it has made me a better person and has helped me with all the relationships in my life. Being a forgiving person has made me a better wife, mother, friend, and family member. Being forgiving in a marriage has been a relief to my husband and myself. It allows me to let go of anger or resentment I might feel towards my husband. It allows me to love him for who he is, accept his flaws, and help him to become a better version of himself. I also know that I am someone who has had to be forgiven a lot over the course of the last 7 years of being married. There are plenty of things I've done that have required incredible patience, love, and understanding from my husband. Being forgiven for my mistakes have helped me to love my husband on such a level that we would never  have reached had we not been able to forgive each other and move on. I am so thankful for the knowledge of the importance of forgiveness. 

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