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Week 10: Seeking to Understand

Dreams
When I was dating, I never considered that dreams might be important in a relationship. I never thought that my partner would have dreams and aspirations that I would be expected to support. I got married to a wonderful man that I had only dated for a few months prior to getting engaged, and he indeed had dreams and an idea of what he wanted to make a reality for our family. I wish I had been exposed to Gottman's Gridlock Conflict when I learned this about my husband so I could have understood early on of the importance of supporting his dreams and contributing so that he could achieve those goals. For the first two years, I was very put off that I had to follow Tyler to Idaho so he could continue his schooling. I was from a small Southern Utah town and did not want to move to snowy Idaho Falls. I felt that it was truly asking a lot of me, and I was very bitter for the entire two years that we lived there. Looking back on it now, I wish I would have been more positive and an uplifting influence for my husband as he completed his schooling. For me, it actually took a long time for me to realize that I had dreams as well. I wanted to finish school, to have a home, to nourish my talents, to have children, and to live somewhere unique and exciting. My husband has done everything in his power to help me to work towards achieving my dreams. He compromised with me and moved our small family to Salt Lake City. He has helped put me through school, helped me find activities that I'm interested in, and so much more. He truly knows what it means to avoid gridlock conflict. 
Seven Principles
I loved learning about Gottman's Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work. I felt that before I read this, I had a pretty solid marriage. I was happy. We have fun. We have a great partnership that allows us to live together peacefully and parent our children. However, I now feel that I have the skills to make our marriage even better and to be able to solve conflicts in the future. The most important things I learned was to not be stubborn or prideful, and to speak kindly to one another. While these weren't directly one of the seven principles, these are things I learned while studying Gottman's Seven Principles. 

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